I thought I'd had a terrible day when I wrote this post but Thursday night/Friday Morning topped even that. Miscarrying is never pleasant. Your two year old waking up in the middle of it and refusing to go back to sleep doesn't help.
It was painful, grim and emotionally distressing.
However there were moments of light in the day and that's what I want to concentrate on. It's what i need to concentrate on if I'm honest.
It would be easy to wallow and mope and I'm sure I'll do my fair share of that, understandably.
But I've experienced real kindness too.
On collapsing in the car park of the hospital and my husband having to run for a wheelchair, a woman approached me and practically carried me towards the hospital to meet my husband.
A doctor in the lift made sure we knew where we were going. The midwives were kind, considerate and helpful.
My friends and family have been amazing, caring for N when i've needed it and phoning or texting everyday to see how I'm doing.
Even people i don't really know on Twitter have been supportive.
This has meant so much to me.
The gold star however goes to my husband. He has been patient, kind, caring. He has run himself ragged to make sure that I can rest and our son is looked after. He has a serious aversion to blood but cleaned me up with out complaint. I feel very honored to have such a good man by my side.
I can't express how grateful I am for the kindness I have received and despite the terrible circumstances I consider myself lucky.
I'm not belittling what I've been through but it helps me to keep in mind that people suffer worse fates, not long ago in our own blogging community a mother lost a child she had loved and held, parents lose children they have watched grow. This would be unbearable. I haven't been given more than i can bear and for that i am thankful.
So I'm counting my blessing and looking to the future. I know I'll have dark days but I'll hold on to the kindness and try to give back some kindness of my own.
Thank you if you've been there for me and know that i will try to be there for you should you ever need it.